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The Cabin >> The Cabin >> History condenced
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Message started by Hondo I. Sackett on Oct 29^th, 2007, 3:04pm

Title: History condenced
Post by Hondo I. Sackett on Oct 29^th, 2007, 3:04pm

For those who don't know much about history...... here is a condensed version.

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were:
1. The invention of beer, and
2. The invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.

These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish, but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

&n bsp; Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. The liberals crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history.......
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off....

Title: Re: History condenced
Post by Soda on Feb 5^th, 2008, 12:40am

I don't quite get this... it's quite confusing. :-/

Title: Re: History condenced
Post by Robert_A._Iger on May 24^th, 2008, 5:20am

Soda wrote:

I don't quite get this... it's quite confusing. :-/

That makes two of us.

Hondo, I know it's a joke and you value free speech but this banter is a bit too generalized towards us European guys. Y'all should also not forget that a 'liberal' in the U.S. is not the same as a 'liberal' in Europe or New Zealand. European liberals can actually be compared with conservative American guys. Twisted, isn't it?

'Liberal' comes from the Latin 'libre', meaning 'free'. The fact that some U.S. left-wingers claimed the name 'liberal' in the beginning of the 20th century doesn't mean that they're worthy of that label. For me, liberal principles equals freedom-loving principles.

By the way, I'm sure you do know that the American Constitution of 1776 is based on liberal (= freedom-loving) principles...

Title: Re: History condenced
Post by Hondo I. Sackett on May 24^th, 2008, 1:41pm

it is not at you Europeans at all. we have liberals and conservatives here. It is a USA based joke so we are callin' it by our standards. Liberals don't value human life or most morals as they believe you make up your own right or wrong dependin' on how you feel. Us conservatives Believe in morals, the human life is sacred and even in freedom there is a set of moral rules which should govern all men. there is a difference between liberty and a liberal. i didn't expect you non Americans to get it, but for us Americans it is funny, as long as your not a liberal. Yes they take the name liberal and it has nothin' to do with the liberty of my country. I don't totally agree with the name, but thats what they are called here. It is just a joke, anyway. you don't think its funny, then don't laugh. I didn't write the joke, but i posted it and find it funny. I didn't force you to read it, nor did I say this is ultimately correct, but it is funny to me and to others. I didn't post it to be scrutinized for correctness, just for a laugh if you choose to look at it as a joke and not a statement of truth, even though I do see some truth in it, but very thin', lies and fiction included, contains an element of truth.

Hondo

Title: Re: History condenced
Post by Campisi on May 24^th, 2008, 4:30pm

If that's the case, then you probably shouldn't be speaking for all Americans then, Hondo.

*is a sushi-eating cat-owning journalist that voted for Bush in the last election*

Title: Re: History condenced
Post by Hondo I. Sackett on May 25^th, 2008, 1:14am

you got me confused. Bush was a conservative. I voted for bush, I have owned cats, but can't stand sushi.

It was a joke? can't you just take a joke as a joke? I didn't write it. I thought it was funny. Didn't post it for it to be hacked apart, just for a laugh. ye gads.

Title: Re: History condenced
Post by Campisi on May 27^th, 2008, 2:05am

I was actually more referring to your response to Soda and Stravinsky than the original post; I thought it was somewhat amusing. I'm just a fan of presenting multiple facets of an issue. Please, take no offense, for just as in your case no offence was intended, so was none intended in mine. :)