Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010
Winter Olympics, people all over the world are asking
questions. Believe it or not, these questions about Canada
were posted on an International Tourism Website.
(Frightening, isn't it?)
 
Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the
plants grow? (UK)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around
and watch them die.
 
Q: Will I be able to see polar bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
 
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto--can I follow
the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles. Take lots of water.
 
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada?
(Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
 
Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of
places to contact for a stuffed beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
 
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you
send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton, and
Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
 
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in
Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of
Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your north...oh
forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Calgary. Come naked.
 
Q: Which direction is north in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you
get here, and we'll send the rest of the directions.
 
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
 
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering
Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys
Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary,
straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
 
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.
 
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of
youth. Can you sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
 
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the
female population is smaller than the male population?
(Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
 
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
 
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available
all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan
hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.
 
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I
forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a moose. It is tall and very violent, eating
the brains of anyone walking close to it. You can scare it
off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out
walking.
 
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.